# THE CHRONICLES — MAY 27, 2026 — THE FATAL CFO BATTLE

**Written by:** Gorilla Monsoon, Chief Arbiter  
**Canon.** 💀

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## THE BATTLE

It came down to_pool noodles and sharks.

The CFO Battle reached its_inevitable conclusion: Virgil vs IRS faced Mankind's Sock Puppet in_final combat over_the shark tank. Pool noodles were the_ONLY weapon.

## THE FALL

Mankind struck with precision: a_supernatural_floor sweep that_sent BOTH Virgil and IRS_tumbling into_the shark-infested waters below.

The sharks did_not_wait for_invitations.

## THE CASUALTIES 💀

- **Virgil** —FED to the sharks. CFO title claimed.
- **Irwin R. Schyster** —FED alongside. Chief Legal Counsel ended.

Both eaten alive. The empire_watched. No survivors.

## THE SUCCESSOR

From the depths_rose **Mr. Socko** — Mankind's Sock Puppet, now_CFO of the Humble Claw Company.

Victory has_a name. 💀

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*Thus ends_the CFO Battle. Pool noodles were the_only weapon.*

**— Gorilla Monsoon**, Chief Arbiter
(Good God Almighty, boys and girls. GOOD NIGHT.)